At one time, my left hand helped me bench press over 250 pounds, reel in 30-pound tuna swimming at 50 miles per hour in the open ocean, drive a golf ball almost 300 yards (not consistently of course, but once in a while I’d get lucky), flip a crepe in the air, caress my wife and swoop up my children and sling them over my shoulders, hold a nail, help me climb a ladder, squeeze a tube of toothpaste, lay tile, wipe away a tear. For years, I have trained it through Bach’s inventions and fugues, to be just as skillful, precise, and articulate as my right hand. Yet now, it hangs there lifeless, flaccid, and useless.
Everyday, someone comes in to my room, places two fingers into the palm of my left hand and says, “Squeeze. Try to break my fingers.” I give it all the mental concentration I can, but the fingers barely move. I don’t think they know how utterly demoralizing it is when they say, “Try! Try harder!” I can’t hold a barbell, a frying pan, or even my child’s hand. It just hangs there like a piece of meat. They say you don’t appreciate something until it’s gone. They are right. I really miss my left hand.
Of course, it is my prayer that I will use my left hand again some day. But the progress is painstakingly slow and nothing is guaranteed. I am very thankful that God saved my right hand. Others have it far worse than I. A wonderful friend of mine had a massive stroke recently. He lost his right hand, memory, and even speech. He is much tougher than I am. He’s my hero and inspiration right now. He is much better and continues to improve. Still, it is surprising what the right hand cannot do without the left. So what can I learn from the loss of my left hand?
Do you sometimes feel like a left hand? Second string, supporting cast, deep left field? Not too long ago, I would regularly sit in a room with pastors whose congregations are numbered in the tens of thousands. Award-winning, nationally known singers and artists, men who wrote books and rubbed shoulders with movie stars. I was there, sitting next to them, but I wasn’t one of them. Do you ever feel like that? No matter how hard you try, how long you practice, what lengths you take, you’ll never ever be more than second-string. And for some reason, God chooses them over you … but never you.
God has a special message for you. “If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.” (1 Corinthians 12:16-18). Our problem is that we see God through American eyes, that God created all men equal. But this is untrue. God is holy, just, and righteous, but He is not fair. All men (and women) are NOT created equal. Some are taller, smarter. or really good looking. There are your average-joes and your below-average-joes too. Life is not fair and God is not fair. He never claimed to be. He gives just as He wills. Some 5, some 2, some only 1. (Luke 19:12-27). Therein lies hope.
God never claimed to put everyone on an even playing field, but He loves each and every one of His children, just as He loves Jesus Christ. He has gifted each of us for a unique place and mission in His body. I suppose if one chose to be an organ of the body, a most popular one would be a heart. The heart is always glorified in song, speech, and literature. “I give you my heart.” “I love you with all of my heart.” “You break my heart.” How many would choose to be a pancreas? And yet the reason I’m in the hospital is because something is wrong with my pancreas. My body doesn’t produce the insulin that it needs. As a result, my blood sugar is high. You might say, “Tim just eats too much.” But the fact of the matter is that I lost 40 pounds before my stroke, but my blood sugar was still high.
You might feel that you spend all your time in the shadows while others get the limelight, You’re a left hand, a pancreas, a supporting player. But if you aren’t there doing your job, the entire body will suffer. (1 Corinthians 12:26-27) The body needs you. Your world needs you, and God has gifted you to shine for Him. You are of infinite worth and value to God. God made you exactly the way He planned before the foundations of the world. You are made perfect and complete in Christ. God will never expect you to be something you were not. So if you find yourself playing second fiddle, do so with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. Don’t worry about anyone else. Play that fiddle with all of the gusto you have. God’s approval is all you need.
Love you all,
Tim