Family Night is my favorite. I ask my wife for them as much as I can. I know it’s cliché but it often takes a major life event to help one gain a better perspective on what’s really important. You may remember when I recounted the ambulance ride that took me away that terrible afternoon. For a moment in time, I really didn’t know if I was going to come back. In my mind’s eye, I saw friends of mine who had passed on before me. I could see their faces in heaven awaiting me. I was in great pain, nauseous, and confused. I knew that if I survived, it would be a long, painful, and arduous journey with no guarantee of ever living a normal life again. I felt that I had served the Lord as best as I could and I wanted to go home to Heaven. But then I saw the faces of my two little children and my wife, and I thought of Paul’s words,…“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain (NIV) … But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.” (NLT) – see Philippians 1:21-24. And so I cried out to Jesus, “Please, I can’t leave my family yet. Have mercy on me and bring me back alive to be their daddy!”
Of course, if you’ve been following the blogs, you know the craziness and angst of the last seven and a half months. (If you’ve missed some, you can find them all in order on our website… it might be great for your insomnia!) Now, I’m here and God is making me better week by week. Sometimes, it’s hard to appreciate since the progress feels snail’s-pace-slow, but I do see it as I look back. Over seven months ago, I came home in a wheelchair, unable to lift my left arm. There was a slight droop on the left side of my face, and I couldn’t even say my wife’s name. When I did speak, it was slurred, and I could barely speak over a whisper for most of the day. My left hand was totally useless. I couldn’t move my fingers or toes except for half a centimeter of movement in my index finger. My left leg was so weak I considered asking someone to build me a ramp to get me over the half-inch threshold under my front door. I felt literally like half a man.
Now, for the most part, I can walk all day without a cane, let alone a wheelchair. I can lift my left arm and God is gradually returning the use of my fingers. I can even wiggle my toes! I even started driving again. Those who speak to me now say they can’t detect anything abnormal, though I still think the stroke left me with a slight southern drawl. I’m even singing kid’s praise songs with my children such as, “Peace Like a River,” “The B-I-B-L-E,” and “What a Mighty God We Serve,” although I’m in no shape to sing the songs from my senior recital in college.
Praise God, although I’m not out of the woods yet. I suffer from what they call hyper-sensitivity. I feel everything amplified, although my left side remains annoyingly numb. Go figure. This presents challenges as the stroke may have contributed to my agony with gout, cracked teeth, root canal, frozen shoulder, arthritic right shoulder, prostate issues, overactive bladder, sleepless nights, and constipation!! (among other things) Whew! Still, God is FAITHFUL and I THANK Him for His gracious healing! I actually had a much-improved night’s sleep. 🙂
But what I really wanted to share with you had to do with a recent family night. “Family night” usually consists of the four of us eating together at the cheapest place we can find. (Of course, it’s gotta be low carb for me). It’s casual, but it’s sweet. Well, this last family night found us at a local chain of wing joints that in my son’s 5-year lifetime, has exploded from one humble little store to over 16 restaurants!
Typically, I would be a little jealous of this chain’s success. I would’ve left the meal wondering, “Did I somehow miss God’s will for my life? Why didn’t God give me overwhelming success in ministry as these people enjoyed in business?” But this night was different. We finished our meal and went out to the car. It was cold and rainy as I held my little girl’s hand while my wife loaded my handsome boy into his carseat. Jojo sweetly waited beside me, allowing my numb left hand to squeeze her tiny little right hand in the drizzling rain. It then occurred to me that about four months ago, I couldn’t even make a fist. My fingers couldn’t bend. I remember when my left hand would fall off the armrest of my wheelchair and my fingers would get caught in the spokes. I didn’t even have enough strength to carry a small paperback book to the car. Now, I was squeezing my little girl’s hand in the rain and actually feeling her little fingers squeezing me back. It was beautiful. God is so good to me!
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust. – Psalm 103:8-14