Turning Four Too Soon

Tonight, I held my “three-year-old” daughter for the very last time for all eternity … Yeah, she just turned 4. 🙂 Happy Birthday, Jojo! It is bittersweet for both me and my wife. Our little girl is growing up too fast. Of course, we are very proud of the precocious, personality-packed firecracker she is becoming. 

On one hand, we can’t wait to see how her God-given gifts, talents, and potential will blossom. On the other hand, our hearts ache because she is no longer 3. We so cherished her “3-speech,” you know, things like, “terry-oppy sauce”(teriyaki), “eyebrowns” (eyebrows), and “apple-lanche” (avalanche). Right now, she is screaming, “Micah! I’m 4! I’m a big kid now!

I suppose many parents can relate to my sentimentality. What I find especially difficult to swallow, however, is the thought that this entire, very special year of her life found me disabled and crippled by this stroke. I feel like I’ve missed out on so many wonderful moments. 

Continuing my rehab efforts, I took a walk around the neighborhood tonight with a sturdy walking stick in my hand for balance. Even with the Covid-19 warnings, there always seems to be people in the streets. I noticed a dad and his small kids coming my way. They were happily skipping on the sidewalk with the girl riding up on his shoulders.    Suddenly, bitter envy tore through my psyche. “Why was I walking alone, struggling to keep from falling?” “Why  wasn’t I carefree, running playfully with my children?” “Why wasn’t my little girl riding upon my shoulders?” I feel as though I’ve lost a precious, non-returnable year of my little princess’s life. Where are you, God? What have you done to me?

As I’ve shared before with you, my biggest struggle has got to be accepting and aligning myself with the stroke as part of God’s plan for me. Now, you can argue about God’s sovereignty and whether He has a permissive and/or a perfect will. You can debate between Satan’s role and my responsibility in all this. But the fact of the matter remains, regardless of your theological perspective, God allowed this to happen to me. I have no choice but to live under circumstances that are far from my preference and choosing. I am in a place I don’t want to be, and I am staying here a lot longer than I hoped. What comfort is there for me? 

Recently, a favorite scripture verse of mine has been brought under new light. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

Yet, I am reminded that the context of this passage has many similarities to my situation. Jeremiah was delivering this message to Ancient Jews who were under Babylonian captivity for 70 long years. Thus, they too, were in a place they did not want to be. They were suffering under bitter circumstances, they were subject to forces they resented, and this, for a lot longer than they wanted. 

What was God’s advice to them? Build houses, plant gardens, get married, have children, and seek the prosperity of your city. In other words, bloom where you’re planted; you are going to be there for awhile. 

If you’ve been receiving our blogs in the past, you may have read that last year, on Jojo’s birthday, I had hoped that by now, the stroke would be a distant memory. Obviously, that’s not the case. Although I’m very grateful for the improvement and healing I received from the Lord, I’m still very far from 100%. I’m still living the nightmare.

So what can I learn? Like the Ancient Isrealites, I need to quit feeling sorry for myself, quit looking back at what I used to be, and focus on the here and now. Bloom where I’m planted, and whether I like it or not, I’m planted right here. And here is where I need to play the hand I’ve been dealt. To be faithful to God (and successful in life for that matter), means to make the best of what I have right here, right now. God promises that in turn, He will prosper me and that His plans for me are ultimately good.

How are you, dear friend? Do you find yourself in less than ideal circumstances? Is it getting increasingly difficult to keep resentment or self-pity at a distance? Is it hard to remain positive in a negative situation? Maybe it’s time to accept your circumstances and make the most in them. Bloom where you are planted. Allow me to humbly encourage you with the next part of Jeremiah’s message. 

“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:12-13

God’s true prosperity awaits, but it is only realized when we seek Him first. (Matthew 6.33)
Remember when I said I felt that I lost an entire year out of my daughter’s life? Well, God has a way of redeeming what seems hopelessly lost. The other day, I asked my children, “Who’s the best Mommy in the world?” As I had hoped, they enthusiastically pointed at my wife and said, “Mommy! She’s the best!” But then my little girl surprised me, looking up at me, she said, “And you’re the best Daddy in the world!” How she chose to bestow upon a broken, discouraged, and crippled man such a blessing, I’ll never know, but I do know it demonstrates to me God’s way of exchanging Beauty for Ashes.

“To all who mourn … he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.” – Isaiah 61:3

Thank you for your support and prayers.