Category: health updates

The other day, we had a family worship time. I had high hopes. I looked for some fun, energetic children songs on YouTube and we all sat down to worship. But then, my children saw the hand drums under the TV and decided they wanted to play along. Ok, that would be fun. We pulled the drums out and we sang and played. My daughter soon lost interest in the Moroccan doumbek she was pounding and climbed into my wife’s lap. I then picked up the drum and tried to keep beat with my left hand as a sort of therapy.

My son turned to me, and in all innocence said, “Daddy, God is going to heal you so you can play drums fast again someday, right?” I said, “Yes, son, that’s the idea.” However, as the song went on, my frustration level increased. My hand was sluggish and awkward. It wouldn’t do what I wanted and I couldn’t even keep time with the music. Growing increasingly disgusted with myself, I finally had to leave the room. Fuming with shame, anger, and self-hatred, I found myself in the kitchen. I noticed a pot of beef curry on the stove that I left simmering. When I went to check on it, I found that it had burned! That was the final straw. I lost it, screaming down curses on the the Le Creuset pot and its contents of coconut milk stew.

No doubt my children heard me as I lost my temper. I need help. I’m trying to remain optimistic, but as the one year anniversary of my stroke comes around, I struggle with accepting my disability and aligning myself with God’s greater agenda of character building. I must confess it is a wrestling match not to descend into a self-loathing, pity party. I know I need to be a good example to my children, but sometimes, I just don’t feel like it. I ask for your prayers, but please don’t give me any advice. I’m really not in the mood.

I know I’m very fortunate. I no longer need a wheelchair. For the most part, I can walk without a cane and people say my speech seems normal (though I still feel that I sound like Bill Clinton when I get tired). My left hand is coming back ever so slowly. The fingers are starting to move and I’m able to force my left hand to take a feeble part in my daily activities. This is when a dark and foreboding panic creeps in and I wonder, “What if this is it? What if I never get better?”  You see, every time I try to use my left hand, it’s like a slap in the face. After getting slapped in the face 25 times by noon, it gets old. I get angry… but I know I can’t give up. If I do, my forward progress may grind to a halt. And yet, every morning, I have to pull myself out of bed only to throw myself face first into a brick wall of resistance, now for the 339th time this year. I’m tired.

So what can I do? As the grip of Covid-19 forces us to spend more time at home, I can either wallow in my toxic little pool of self-pity, or I can get up off my rear end and do something positive. So that’s what we did. We finally assembled Micah’s electronic drum set that he got for his birthday from his grandparents. We loaded the kids in the car and took them shopping for shut-ins. We had the children pick out their favorite cereals to donate to the local food bank. We wrote a check and let my son hand it to the nice administrator of the charity. We came home and ate spicy Sichuan boiled pork and fish with chilies. We listened to the “Micah and Jojo Show” as they played and sang along to “What a Mighty God We Serve.”  I helped Mrs. Leung (my wife) clean the toilet.

I may not be able to sing and play the piano right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t worship God in other ways. We do what we can with what God gives us. “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – 1 Peter 4:10. Could you pray for me? Thank you. 

Last night was Family Night. As you may know, after the stroke, I really cherish our Family Nights. It’s the only time that my kids, my wife, and I, can all sit down together and enjoy quality time face to face. Now you might think that under the governor’s mandate to stay at home, we would have a lot of family time. Actually, it is quite the contrary. Ironically, our kids (IMHO) have too many material blessings. You all have been so kind and generous, showering our kids with gifts, that they absolutely adore staying at home. They have so much in terms of distractions and diversions that they don’t need Mommy and Daddy unless it’s to put out the occasional fire and bring a fragile balance of peace to some seething preschool conflict. On one hand, we are very blessed that when they play together, they can lose themselves in their imaginary world of Paw Patrol, Battlebots, Legos, and Play-Doh. The only problem is, there is less time for Daddy. Yes, I admit that I get restless and really miss going out with the family. I guess we all have to adjust.

This last week, my solution … COOKIES! We baked cookies together (though I refrained from eating any). Even though there were chocolate chips, we did sneak in some healthy whole oats and whole wheat and reduced the amount of sugar. By hook or by crook, I’m determined to get some healthy food into our kids, even if I have to resort to clandestine measures! Next, we will try cupcakes impregnated with carrots and zucchini. I am glad that if I’m forced to stay at home, at least I’m stuck with people I love.

Still, with the ever-changing “Bizarro” world we live in, as well as the ominous mandates flying from the lips of our government leaders, how can we navigate these uncertain waters with an even keel? As serendipity would have it, both my mother-in-law and a dear friend independently called to encourage us with the exact same passage. May this be an anchor of assurance for us all as we sail through whatever storm God has for us.

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”[…]

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent […]

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

In all honesty, the escalation of the concern about the coronavirus has taken us by surprise. After seeing God take our family through these last couple of years, with all the stress of work, the stroke, and the raising of two preschoolers, it was hard to take the coronavirus as an imminent and personal threat.

Still, it must be said that some of us reading this blog may be in the high risk category. It is said by experts (of which I am not) that 1-2% of the people who catch the virus will become seriously ill. If you are over 60 and have pre-existing health conditions, please stay at home and be safe and do not hesitate to allow me and my family to bless you as you have blessed us. We want to do everything we can to run errands, or go shopping, or do what we are able to do to help you stay safe at this time. Even if you need help with an older loved one and we can do something for you, please let us know. You have blessed us and we want to be a blessing to you as well.

If you are anxious at all, please don’t be. Our God is more than able to care for our every need and to provide for our welfare if we put our trust in Him. Jesus said, “…in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

If you are interested in a short and practical message of comfort by Pastor Rick Warren, you might like to click on this:
https://saddleback.com/visit/locations/onlinecampus

We would like to help you if we can do so without putting you at risk. Please let us know.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10 

Thank you to all those who have been praying for us. First of all, a little bad news. I and the kids have come down with some kind of cold/infection and most likely will not be speaking tomorrow night at Chinese Grace Bible Church as originally scheduled. However, Micah and I have seemed to turn the corner and are getting better. Jojo still has a slight fever.

Good news. Although I still struggle with my blood sugar numbers despite eliminating practically all carbs and fasting, I am happy to report good results from my most recent blood test.

From a high of 206 mg/dL in 2014, my total cholesterol is down to 123 mg/dL. Also, in 2014, my triglycerides were an alarming 933 mg/dL. Now, they are an amazing 108 mg/dL. My HDL, the good cholesterol, was a low 31 in 2014, which made me a candidate for heart disease. Now, I am free and clear with a score of 46 mg/dL. And finally, my LDL, the bad cholesterol, is down to a mere 55 mg/dL as of today (normal is anything less than 100 mg/dL).

I know these numbers may make for a very boring blog for some of you, but I wanted to let those who have been praying for my health know that God has been answering your prayers. Thank you, thank you!
Tim

Thank you so much for reading our blogs and praying for me and my family. God has been providing all of our needs in response to your faithful prayers.

As I was saying in the previous blogs, in order for me to get through this trial, I need to get all A’s. What I mean is, Acknowledge that nothing can touch me unless it passes through God’s loving hand first, Admit my honest feelings before Him, Accept my circumstances as a challenge that I must face, and finally, Align myself to God’s way of doing things.

Ironically, this last step may be the most difficult because it requires the most sustained effort. Now, I am very grateful for how far the Lord has brought me since those early days in the rehab center when I was wheelchair-bound and helpless, my left hand limp and lifeless. Ten months ago, I couldn’t even move my left arm without my wife taking hold of me like a puppeteer with a marionette. Thank God He didn’t leave me there, but instead has been slowly, gradually, sometimes imperceptibly healing me. I find it is this less-than-snail’s pace that I wrestle with as I align myself with His agenda and not my own.

One of the most difficult things for me is redefining success. As a performance major in college, I was trained to sound … good. Pleasing, polished, powerful, that was the aim. As a professional worship leader, it was my job to train, rehearse, demonstrate, conduct, teach, to lead by example. Success was measured by services, concerts, and programs all attempted in the pursuit of excellence.

Now after the stroke, although I’m very thankful I can (with increased effort) walk and speak intelligibly, it remains an exercise of great humility to try to sing or play the piano. There’s simply no way for me to sound “good,” in any sense of the word. When I compare what I was able to do a year ago to what I sound like now, it is enough to cripple me in despair. Psychologically, it’s more than I can handle. To survive and to be obedient to God, I have to develop a new measuring stick.

I believe it was Mother Teresa who is credited with saying, “God has not called us to success, but to faithfulness.” It is faithfulness then, that must be my measurement of personal success, more so now than ever before. No longer must I aim to sound flawless or moving. No, my goal is just to get to the end of the musical exercise having put my fingers on the (mostly) correct keys. No longer can I expect to make a pleasing sound when I open my mouth. Now, it’s good just to make any sound. Never before has that old joke about making a joyful noise to the Lord been more appropriate! Before, I counted success by the hundreds of adults in attendance. Now, it’s by the handful of preschoolers to whom I pass out goldfish crackers. Before, I measured my success by the numbers of hands raised when I gave an invitation. Now it’s by the little hands I hold as I cross the street. Before, I prided myself on teaching 3 or 4 times a day during a conference. Now, I celebrate if I take one more trip up the stairs before giving into fatigue. This redefining of success (at times a jagged little pill,) is part of aligning myself with God’s new agenda for me. The ultimate goal of course (for all of us,) is to be like Jesus Christ.

I’m reminded of Proverbs 3:5,6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

I would have never chosen to endure a stroke in a million years, nor would I have chosen a long and grueling rehabilitation process. Honestly, I still have no direct promise from God that I’m going to have 100% recovery. I pray for and hope that God will completely restore me someday, but I have no Divine guarantee. I just have to trust Him with all my heart that He knows what He is doing, even when I don’t. His ways are perfect, even when they’re shrouded in mystery. Please continue to remember us in your prayers.

There’s an old song that goes:

His strength is perfect, when our strength is gone,

He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on

Raised in His power, the weak become strong

His strength is perfect

His strength is perfect

(https://youtu.be/sO-7OZJ17M0)

“A journey of a thousand miles begins (er,…continues) with just one step.”

First of all, thank you all for your prayers concerning last Friday, and a special thank you to those of you who came out to see me at Grace Bible Church. We had a great time, even though I confess I was a little bit nervous since it was the first time I had addressed a youth group for quite a long time (and the first time post-stroke). Still, God was gracious and we had many young people pray to dedicate themselves to God in the area of using their time wisely. Please pray for us as we will be going back again next month.

Last time, I mentioned four key words which I believe will be crucial if I am going to be successful in dealing with this stroke. Acknowledge, Admit, Accept, and Align. First, I must Acknowledge that my circumstances, even terrible ones, are permitted by God Himself. This declaration of trust will create a crucial ingredient – Hope; hope that will get me through this. Then, I need to Admit my feelings before God, even the negative ones. This is the only way I will be able to deal with the frustration, anger, and depression, and replace them with positive energy.

Thirdly, (and this is what I’m wrestling with now) I’m realizing that I need to Accept my situation personally, as God’s will for my life.  Frankly, I want this to be over with, NOW. For almost 10 months, I’ve asked for miraculous healing. Yet, God has said no. “No, my child, but I will walk with you through this pain.” Honestly, that’s not the answer I want. What I really want to hear is, “Ok, Tim, since you’ve been a pretty good boy, I’ll just snap my fingers and tomorrow morning you’ll have your old life back.” But maybe God wants to let this linger. Toe-to-toe, blow-by-blow, He wants me to tough it out, not go around, over, or under, but through this storm.

Recently, I’ve been trying to play actual music on the piano. Not Rachmaninoff, not Chopin, not even Bach. I’m trying to play John Thompson’s, “Teaching Little Fingers to Play,” the first book I learned as a child. You have to understand, I entered as a piano major when I studied music in college. I graduated with a degree in vocal performance, and I was a professional worship pastor for a number of years in a San Francisco multiethnic church that prided itself on worship. To now struggle with a child’s beginning book is beyond humbling. It is surreal. I’ve been told by an occupational therapist that I will never play the piano again and I can understand why. There is just too much lost ground to recover, and the truth is that my 5-year-old son has better coordination and dexterity than I do at this point.

My left hand feels swollen and stiff, as if it were wearing a brand new catcher’s mitt. I have a hard time just placing a finger on the desired piano key, as if there was a built-in negative polarity pushing my digits from their intended target. It is enough to drive one mad. Often, I think it would be easier just to give up on music altogether, and this I would, if it were not for the expressed desires of my two children. Micah wants to “play drums for our family band,” and Jojo wants to “dance with the microphone.” What can I do? I just want all of this to go away.

I see this playing out in one of three ways: Resentment, Resignation, or Resolution. Even if I accept that this is directly allowed by God, it does not mean I will always choose a healthy course of action. Let me explain. My natural response is Resentment. I love to complain, rant, and rave; call down hellfire and brimstone. My poor wife can attest to this. The problem with resentment is that it is always counterproductive to receiving whatever blessings God wants for me. It serves only to fuel my anger instead of solving any problems. Paul talks about the benefits of not complaining when he says, “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, …then you will shine among them like stars in the sky…” – Philippians 2:14-15.

There is a second trap we can fall into when we have to accept negative realities: Resignation. I can passively give up and resign myself to defeat. Things are hopeless … forever. Obviously, this attitude is not Biblical, as seen in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And let’s not forget Jesus’ words that remind us, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible,” -Matthew 19:26. Maybe a “Never say die,” attitude is part of the reason why some people continue to get better after a stroke and some don’t. Who knows? All I know is that God promises that the power that raised Jesus from the dead is alive and at work within every believer (Romans 8:11). That means I have access to the very power of Almighty God to transform my life to what He wants me to be.

So if resentment and resignation are not the ways to go, what else is there? Healthy acceptance of my circumstances means that I must make a Resolution to bring about positive change using all my God-given resources, even if those resources are limited. I must resolve to improve myself each day even if the increments may be small. I may enjoy looking for new ways to serve God. Thus, I need to change in response to my new realities, accepting new assignments from God, being willing to redefine my measure of success. For example, I used to be the Worship Pastor for a church of hundreds. I supervised and trained numerous worship teams along with dancers, fine artists, even chefs. Every week, people heard me play and sing. Recently, I joined my wife in leading my son’s little Pre-K class in worship. Hearing them praise God with abandon brought me more tears of joy than I can remember. Whether I achieve notoriety, praise, or success in the eyes of my fellow man is not the issue; whether or not I am faithful to God is.

This reminds me of the story of the optimistic boy and his sadistic uncle who wanted to teach his starry-eyed nephew a lesson in real life. The uncle decided to give his nephew a big pile of manure for his birthday. After discovering the stinking mess, the lad, to his uncle’s surprise, grabs a shovel and immediately starts attacking the mound with gleeful enthusiasm. When inquired concerning his strange behavior, the boy replied, “With all of this manure, there must be a pony in here somewhere!” 

Unlike the mean-spirited uncle, God is truly a loving heavenly parent. The Bible says He is the Father of Lights and a Giver of good gifts (James 1:17). Can I believe this even with the stink burning in my nostrils? Resentment and Resignation will only keep me from God’s blessings.

Lastly, to successfully deal with this stroke, I must Align myself with God’s agenda, not my own. I’m still trying to figure this one out, so more to come on this next time.
Please pray that I will not resist the Potter’s hand, but embrace His perfect plan for my life. There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!

It’s kind of cliche, but sometimes all of this feels like a nightmare. I think I’m going to wake up and all of this will be a dream, and I will be myself again. Sometimes I really really miss what I used to be. I miss walking without the fear of falling down. I miss being able to carry my kids with just my left arm. I miss waking up feeling good, without pain and discomfort. I miss sticky rice, crispy croissants, and chewy noodles.

I remember once before the stroke, we were all watching TV and my boy said something that every dad would cherish. There was an acrobat on a slack-line, upside-down, doing some impossible feat, and Micah remarked, “My Daddy can do that!” At that time, he thought I could do anything. Now, he’s well aware that I have limitations. Sometimes he even asks, “Are you sure you can do that with your stroke, Daddy?” It hurts. I pray for healing … again. And as much as I would love to wake up miraculously healed, so far every morning, I wake up with the harsh reality that all this has not been a dream. I had a debilitating, life-changing stroke, and that is my life for now.

I can see how easy it would be for stroke victims to give into depression. “You’ve lost too much, it’s just too hard. Things will never be the same. It’s hopeless!” If you have been following along, you might have heard me say that this stroke is now my calling. That’s the only perspective that will get me through this. I have to accept the fact that God, in His infinite love and wisdom, has allowed me to experience this crippling disability, and as much as I would like, I can’t simply wish, or even pray it away. What I wouldn’t give to have an undo-button, a mulligan, or some kind of free pass! But it looks like the only way to get past this is to put my head down and go through.

Thus, the title of this blog. I’m learning that the key for me is to Acknowledge, Admit, Accept, and Align. Let me explain. The first step is to Acknowledge. Yes, acknowledge that it was God Himself who allowed this calamity to occur. Yes, He could have prevented it, but He didn’t. No matter how I got here, I’m here and no amount of denial, wishful thinking, or spiritual pixie dust is going to change that. I have to embrace the fact that my Heavenly Father permitted this and that somehow, some way, He’s actually going to make it turn out for my benefit. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28. 

Furthermore, my Father knows my limits. The Bible says He will not allow us to endure more than we can bear, but will always provide a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13 NET). I can be confident in the midst of any tempest, in spite of my feelings, the storm will pass, and when I cannot bear any more, Jesus will show up and whisper those words my heart longs to hear, “Peace! Be still!” (Mark 4:38-40 ESV). Acknowledge that even though circumstances may be difficult, any suffering is momentary (2 Corinthians 4:17) and joy will come in the morning (Psalm 30:5 NKJV).

Secondly, I need to Admit my honest feelings before God. We are created emotional beings and it is not healthy or prudent to pretend we are stalwart and stoic when we are in truth, hurt, angry, or fearful. If you look at the books of poetry in the Bible, you’ll find many authors who pour out their hearts before God. King David, Jeremiah, and others would bare their raw emotions of anger, frustration, and grief (Psalm 42:3). God knows our thoughts and feelings before we do, and He is not afraid of them. Telling God how I feel is not only cathartic, but a necessary part of confession and being honest before Him. Before I deal with any negative feelings, I need to admit that the emotions are there. Denial is not a Fruit of the Spirit! (Galatians 5:22-23). Believe me, this past year has been full of very negative emotions!

This might be a good place for us to pause and reflect. Do you find yourself under circumstances that you would not have chosen? Do you feel like a victim of unfortunate events or even of another’s malice? Are you suffering because of another person’s betrayal or irresponsibility? Or maybe you are simply waiting and waiting for God to answer a prayer, but continue to receive nothing but silence. Take heart, you may be confused, but God is not! He knows exactly where you are, what He’s doing, and how He’s going to fix it. Recently, I received a card with three little words on the front, “God’s got this.” In other words, Acknowledge that even the evil that others may intend for you cannot touch you unless it was allowed by God Himself (Genesis 50:20). And that very God can, and will, turn your circumstances around for good – Your good. (Deuteronomy 23:5 NASB). Then, Admit. Have a time of confession where you cry out to God. Let him know your deepest feelings, after which you can confess your faith and trust that He is going to work things out in His perfect time. God’s got this. He really does.

More next blog.

For those of you who might be interested, Tim will be speaking on “Making the Most of Your Opportunities” this Friday, 7:30pm, at Chinese Grace Bible Church (6656 Park Riviera Way, Sacramento, CA). They will meet upstairs, in the Education Building. Though it is a youth event, people of all ages are more than welcome.

It’s strange. No one asks me the obvious, “What do you do all day long?” Perhaps they think it, but are afraid to ask. I remember one time, a bunch of people came over for dinner and there must have been 3 minutes of awkward silence, just looking at me, not knowing what to say. I figure that people probably have questions, but don’t want to offend.

If you’ve ever wondered what stroke victims do, I can tell you what I do. Honestly, I spend most of my time waiting. Yep, waiting. It’s enough to drive  one crazy! People ask about therapy. Sure there’s therapy. There’s passive therapies like massage, acupuncture, TENS, and Electric Stim. Then there’s active therapies like exercises, walking, lifting weights, and stretches. But really, in between and through all that therapy, I’m really just waiting (see Psalm 127:1). Waiting for my miraculous, God-given brain to make new connections with my Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes (as the song goes).

I just finished a 4.5 day fast; yes, 112 hours of not eating. This, from a person who is more used to “living to eat,” than “eating to live.” I did this in a desperate attempt to break through a blood sugar plateau. If you’ve been reading along, you know that I’ve been going extremely low carb in an effort to lower my blood sugar. Over the last year or so, my A1C has gone from 12.5 to 10.3 to 9.0, all while titrating my insulin. These last 3 months, I’ve gone almost completely without insulin. Unfortunately, as a result, my numbers went up a little bit. So since my low carb and intermittent fasting without drugs did not produce the numbers I wanted, I decided to try something more drastic. Instead of the typical 18, 24, or even 36 hour fast, I tried to pull an extended one that lasted 111.5 hours. Thank God, I actually made it. In almost 5 days, I didn’t eat a thing except for 3 macadamia nuts and 2 cups of bone broth (these things are allowed in Dr. Fung’s book on fasting.) After Day 2, the hunger pangs were not that bad. I actually could have gone longer, but I promised my dad that I would buy him a celebratory lunch. Believe me, it was good!

As I mentioned, the hardest thing was waiting. I would check my blood sugar often and get so frustrated when with all my efforts, sometimes my blood sugars would actually go up. Now if you don’t suffer from diabetes, you might find that impossible to believe, but this is a common occurrence for some. The explanation is that even when one doesn’t eat, there are still sugars stored up in one’s liver, muscles, and fatty deposits.

The benefit in fasting is that after around Day 2, the body can begin  to tap into these sugar stores and use them. Unfortunately, for me, years of taking prescription diabetes drugs had pretty much stuffed my liver so full of sugar that every time I tried to fast, my liver would expel the stored up sugar and my blood glucose levels would actually go up! So what do I do? Wait, wait, and wait some more, just like my stroke recovery. Go to therapy and wait. Exercise and wait. Have acupuncture and wait. Stab at the piano and wait. Walk up-and-down the stairs until I feel like barfing, and wait. You know the  cliche: hours into days, into weeks, into months. Lots of waiting. It is only by God’s grace that I am still in my right mind … sort of.

After a lot of prayer, frustration, and more prayer, oh yes, and a lot of NOT eating, finally something happened around the 68th hour of my fast. My blood sugars dropped an average of about 90 points. I’m not normal yet, but what a breakthrough! Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully this next blood test will give me reason to celebrate.

I wish I could say I’m totally healed, but I am still far from it. So guess what that means? … I have to wait some more! Reminds one of Galatians 6:9 doesn’t it? Please pray for me that God will help me to be faithful until we can beat this thing together.

How about you my friend? Are you waiting too? Waiting, praying, hoping, struggling, and waiting some more? Waiting, for the true follower of Jesus, is never passive, but is a relentless, unwavering commitment to doing good; persevering in spite of seeing nothing, no results, and maybe even the opposite. Maybe you’re waiting for that promotion. Maybe you’re still waiting for Mr. or Miss Right. Maybe you’re still waiting for an answer to prayer. Waiting. Commit yourself to doing whatever good you can while waiting!

Let me encourage you like the Apostle Paul encouraged the Galatians. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Our God promises that you will have a breakthrough if you don’t give up. Believe in the God of the unimaginable (Ephesians 3:20), and the impossible (Luke 1:37). Hang in there and don’t give up. Your breakthrough may be just around the corner.

*If you’re interested, Tim will be addressing the youth with some lessons he learned from the stroke. He will be speaking on the 1st Friday nights of both February and March at Chinese Grace Bible Church, 7:30pm. People of all ages are more than welcome.

I just said good-bye to some family who live far away. Because of the great distance between us, we only see each other at major life events –  weddings, big vacations, stuff like that. We get together, make memories, have a blast, and then we don’t see each other for years. Usually we just pick up where we leave off. On one hand, it’s like no time has passed. On the other hand, you can’t deny that things have changed. 

I remember the first time we met. We were still little, playing Kerplunk and Battling Tops for hours, hoping to get our favorite piece of chocolate from the ever dwindling box, learning gross and obnoxious things to do at a restaurant that would really annoy our parents. The next time we saw each other, we were in the spring time of life, full of energy and bushy tailed optimism, perhaps witnessing a major graduation. The next time it was someone’s wedding. After that, maybe a funeral or two. The faces are the same, but maybe a little puffier, a little more wrinkled, a little less hair, or maybe the hair is turning a little gray. Yet, we’re the same people, but some of the nearest and dearest are gone. They have passed on and are not here with us any longer. New generations rise up. Babies become teens, who soon become career-minded adults with kids of their own. Time defers to no one. One moment, we have all of our lives bright and shining ahead of us. The next moment, we’re saying good-bye to someone, never to see them again this side of eternity. You realize that there’s never enough time to love, to laugh, to be together, to enjoy one another’s company. Time’s relentless march brings us ever closer to good-bye. Always … Good-bye.

But for those of us who know the Lord, there is always a glorious footnote to this passing shadow we call life. Quite the contrary to the famous song, we are not just “dust in the wind.” The radiant hope of the Good News of Jesus Christ is that Death is a vanquished foe. The grave has lost its victory. Merciless Time itself, will bow to Him who is above all time. All because of the redemptive grace and forgiveness of the Son of God Himself, we are promised a place with Him forever and ever, a great and glorious Paradise for all eternity. We will be together with loved ones and heroes of old, and have limitless time to savor, to dwell in the existence of pure light and love. To all who believe in Christ, that is where we are going. That is our Home.

It is this glorious hope that allows us to persevere through pain, keep going when we feel like giving up, and to stay our course through the storm. And yet, I realize that for some of us, you may not have this assurance of hope. Let me share with you that you can know beyond any doubt that you have a place in eternity with God Himself. The Bible says, “But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.” – John 1:12 (NLT) Although we as a human race have been separated from God by our self-will and selfishness (Romans 3:23), He offers redemption and reconciliation through Christ. “God loved the people of this world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who has faith in him will have eternal life and never really die.” – John 3:16 (CEV)

This is a free gift from God that no one can earn through their own merit. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV). Each of us can know this unshakable hope by merely entering into a relationship with Jesus. “If you declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” – Romans 10:9 (ISV).

In fact, Jesus Christ Himself is hoping this very moment you will take Him up on His offer: “Listen! I am standing and knocking at your door. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and we will eat together.” – Revelation 3:20 (CEV) If God’s Spirit is prompting you, let me implore you to open your heart and enter into a relationship with Jesus Christ right now.

If you’re a long time believer, perhaps you can think of a dear friend or family member who doesn’t know Jesus personally. Pray for an opportunity to share with them the amazing hope that we can be together forever in Heaven with God.

Here’s to the Reunion that will never end. Hope to see you there! 

New Year’s Day.

Yesterday was tough. I woke up exhausted, struggling with the side effects of some penicillin prescribed to me after a complicated tooth extraction.  Tired all day, I decided to take a nap, after which I tried to get in some exercise by walking around the block.

With my trusty cane, I set out amid the waning hours of daylight. There was a little girl on an electric bike buzzing around the neighborhood with her little brother watching. I wanted to avoid them. Typically, I love kids, but I was on a mission. Besides, I had promised my own boy that we would play Battlebots as soon as I came back home. But I also knew that down deep inside, I would be a little discouraged. I felt old and beat up, struggling to put one foot in front of the other while smoothing out my gait, trying to walk without the dreaded foot flop. The last thing I needed was some little child zipping around on her new Christmas present, making me feel even more slow and clumsy than I already did.

Sure enough, even though I tried to avoid her, I heard the hum of her little engine. She zipped around the corner and passed me by. Heel toe, heel toe. I tried to concentrate on the task at hand, focusing on ironing out the awkward jerking and limping motions of my walk. But then the real heartbreaker hit me.

I heard a new, louder buzz of another engine as her daddy zipped by the both of us on a motorized skateboard, holding Little Brother in his arms. Now I know that I’ve been overly sensitive since the stroke, but this new insult hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was, struggling to hold my course, doing my best not to fall down, and this young able-bodied dad zips by me with his boy in his arms, every bit the hero to his children that I so desperately longed to be to mine, but couldn’t. It hurt like hell. I felt so lame, so feeble, so overwhelmed. “O God, why did you allow this to happen? Where did I go wrong?”

As I awkwardly made my way back to the house, it occurred to me that during this time of New Year’s resolutions, my goals for 2020 are probably a bit different than most others’. During this time of year, it is common for people to purpose in their hearts to lose a few pounds, make more money, exercise more, maybe even quit smoking.  Me, I just want to get better. How much better, that is up to the Lord. I, of course, would love to be a 100% or more, but my job is not to guarantee success, but to be faithful.

My goals are simple – every day, putting one foot in front of the other, every week, testing the strength of my left hand just a little bit more, hoping for a little more coordination, a little more ability, a little less numbness, walking farther, lifting more, doing more of the little things that I used to take for granted. This year, I’m looking at tiny victories, thanking God and celebrating every one, cherishing my family,…for me that’s what 2020 has to be about. Forgetting the bitterness of the past, I’m reaching forward to what new things God has in store for me. (Phil 3:12-14)

Speaking about letting go of the past to embrace the future, just today, a dear friend reminded me of Isaiah 43:18-19.

Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

Thank you so much for your prayers for me and my family.