Category: health updates

There’s an old Beatles song that goes something like this: “Yesterday- all my troubles seemed so far away, now it seems as though they’re here to stay, oh I believe in yesterday.” It’s a brilliant pop song, one sure to get you into a melancholy mood.

It’s a real temptation to look back on times when you had more energy, more youth, more opportunity, more simplicity, and say, “Oh, how I long for yesterday.” Although I believe a wise person learns from his past, I choose to believe not in yesterday, but tomorrow. You know, “The sun will come out tomorrow, betcha bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun!” Not quite as brooding or poetic, but a lot more hopeful. But then, which is more realistic?

Perhaps you’ve heard me say before, “For the person who places his faith and trust in Jesus Christ, the best is always yet to come!” I really believe that. Even if you were to be martyred tomorrow, that statement would still ring true. For every Bible believing Christian, Heaven awaits. Heaven. No pain, no death, no sickness, no disappointment, no broken promises, no unmet expectations, no red tape, and no taxes! Heaven. But do we have to wait that long?

Let me share with you a verse that has carried me for many many years. “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” – Jeremiah 29:11

In times of sickness, failure, disappointment or pain; in times when we feel stuck on some meaningless hamster wheel, when long cherished dreams look as though they will never come true, this verse pierces like a gleaming ray of hope through storm clouds of despair. “For I know the plans I have for you … plans to prosper you.” Stop and think about that for moment. God wants to prosper you!

As a youth, I ran away from God. In my heart, I knew that the last person I wanted to trust with my life was God, simply because I thought God was no fun! But what is God’s purpose in my life? It’s to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. Do I believe this? Do I receive this? Do I align my life with Christ in order to enjoy God’s wonderful plans for my life, or do I stubbornly insist upon my own agenda and timing?

If I look only at my current circumstances, I might be tempted to succumb to depression and frustration. If I look back on the golden days of youthful vigor and health, I might think that my glory days are a thing of the past. But if I look at God’s word and His loving promises to me, then and only then, I become sure that God is going to make my tomorrows brighter than my yesterdays. Do I believe in yesterday? I’d rather believe in tomorrow.

Looking around, we have to accept the fact that not many people know this prosperous,, hopeful, and wonderful life God promises. Why not? Well, let’s look at the next couple of verses: “Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:12-13.

For those of us who are familiar with the first verse, we often fail to read the second part. In other words, we ignore the fine print. Although God has a great destiny for each of us, we can easily miss it. In fact, He implies that we will miss it unless we find it by seeking hard after Him.

What do we seek hard after? Money? Friends? Hobbies? Status? Imagine standing at the pearly gates having to give God an account of how we spent our lives. Would He say, “Well done good and faithful servant, I’m so proud of you? You really took a hold of those wonderful plans I had for you and did such great things while you were on Earth!” Or would we have spent our lives watching countless hours of football on TV, maybe gossiping with friends, or perhaps putting really great vacation photos on our Facebook accounts? You know, even a BMW can’t make it to Heaven, not even if you Google Map the directions.

As for me, I want to seek hard after God, realize His destiny for my life, and carpe the diem out of it! Remember, as one preacher put it, “God is not just the Way Maker, He is the Way.” Is He your Way too? Let’s go together.

No doubt, this has been a very stressful, painful, and challenging time for us. Yet, I must say, God continues to show us His favor. When I had to go to the rehab hospital, we were very concerned about the emotional and psychological impact on our young children. However, God has a way of making even bad things turn out right. Before the stroke, Micah was painfully shy and terrified of new people. Now, he loves staying with his favorite babysitters when Mom and Dad have to go out. He is much more open to meeting new people. One of the proudest moments I had as a dad was when he told our neighbor, “Don’t worry about your ouchies, we will pray for you and Jesus will make you better.” I love that kid! But unexpectedly, I’ve also been blessed recently by my daughter.

Josephine Elizabeth Leung was born with colic. Very early on, she only wanted to be held by Mommy. Since she was blessed with very powerful lungs, everyone else new her preference as well! As she grew, she became fiercely independent. She had a natural charisma and did not hesitate to use it to make others conform to her will. All of the older boys in her class were terrified of her, and she even had the teachers and workers bowing to her every whim. Armed with the ability to cry on command and the temper of Genghis Khan, I had no idea how to control this tornado in pink. Honestly, I didn’t feel as close to her as to Micah, since she never let me hold her, only Mommy. How would something as traumatic as my stroke affect my little girl?

Praise God, it actually served to soften her. Even her attitude toward Mommy became a little different. She didn’t have so much of a vehement rage, demanding her will, but now she had a vulnerability about her. She actually cried when she had to be apart from me! Lately, she has been content to sit in my arms when drinking her morning milk. One day, seeing his little sister content in my arms, my boy crawled up onto my bed and joined us. I felt as if God Himself was pouring out His love upon me. For that moment, I was the richest man in the world!

A couple of days ago, Jojo fell ill with a fever. As always, it was a terrible ordeal with vomit, crying, and sleepless nights. My poor wife was worn to a frazzle. But then in the morning, Josephine did something very much unlike her. She woke up, walked drowsily toward me, and crawled up into my arms. Now, the stroke had left my shoulder and arm a tangled, cramping mess. I admit, it caused me much pain to lift her up, but it was worth every bit of it. I transferred her to my good right arm, held her close, and whispered a prayer of Thanksgiving. My fiery, autonomist daughter wanted my comfort and closeness. Thank you Jesus for doing what I could never do!

The Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord, that they are like arrows in an archer’s quiver (Psalm 127:3-5). My prayer is that someday my family and I will minister together. Originally, I thought we could be a worship team, traveling internationally. Now, my dream will take a miracle – but I am hopeful. Please pray that God uses us in some way, shape, or form, to bless many people worldwide. For now, I have to focus on my recovery and the love and discipline of my children. Since parenting is a job that even most able-bodied men find daunting, please pray that God will do what I cannot, and give me the strength and love to do what I can – by His power. Let me close with these well-known verses:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28 (NIV)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Thank you so much for your continued love, support, and prayers – they are our lifeline. God bless you.

Some days, I feel pretty great. When I’m surrounded by friends or out having a good time, I can almost forget about the aches and pains, discomfort and disabilities, and I feel almost like myself. Usually after exerting myself though, I pay for it. The fatigue is profound. I’m overwhelmingly tired. I want to move parts of my body, but I can’t. When I do move, it feels as though I’m trying to run through wet cement. It’s so uncomfortable, I just want to go somewhere else, but of course I can’t, because it’s still my body. In addition, I don’t know if this is common, but I have these crazy aches and pains as if my muscles were all out of alignment and cramping at the same time.

In talking with people who have had strokes, or those who have had family members with strokes, often older people can’t come back. I’ve heard it said that they just don’t want to try. It’s just too hard. I understand that now. Honestly, if I was 25 years older without little children, if the stroke had affected my right hand or severely affected my speech, I can see how I would want to just give up. This is the longest and most difficult challenge of my life. I can’t remember the last time I had a bowl of rice or even experienced a day without pain, and still I don’t see the results I would like. But praise God, there are a few things that keep me going.

One is that my family is young. Giving up is not an option. Their smiles and squeals of delight, and even their misbehavior and tantrums are all motivations for me to keep going, to get stronger, to get healthy. Who will be strong enough to discipline Jojo if I’m gone?!

Two, is that even though the day-to-day progress is excruciating at times and often disappointing, praise God, when I look back, I see the progress God has given me. My wife reminded me that at the rehab hospital, when a therapist told me to lift my arm, I wound up slapping myself in the face because I was so weak!  Today, even though I still can’t play the piano, I can lift my hand. I can supinate and pronate my arm. I even opened a bag of pretzels for my boy (though I have to admit my forearm was throbbing in pain afterwards).

Thirdly, as I mentioned in a previous blog – this stroke is now my calling. That’s the only way I can survive this with my sanity intact. It is said that God gives us life as a test and a trust. A test to see if we can be loyal and faithful to Him, and a trust to see what we can do with what God has given us. For my first 50 years, I was given many gifts, abilities, and talents that I admit, I took for granted. It is true that you don’t miss something until it’s gone. I suppose one thing that I miss most, is the simple ability to pick up my children and hold them close. Little things, that when they’re gone, they show themselves to be truly priceless.

Now at least for the time being, a lot of those things are gone, but my mission in life remains the same. Will I be faithful? Can I be trustworthy with what God has decided to give me now? I could spend my time lamenting over all of the things that I can no longer do, or I can choose to celebrate the gifts, responsibilities, and resources that I have now, and be faithful in this moment. If I believe that God is good and loves me, then, I believe that anything God allows in my life, can and will work out for my good (Romans 8:28). It’s easy to think that God is good when you have more, but it’s a real test of what you believe about God when you are forced to live with less.

Lastly, let me share again, a passage of Scripture with you that has been my hope and prayer for almost 5 months now. Psalm 103:2-5 says:

Praise the LORD, my soul,

    and forget not all his benefits—

who forgives all your sins

    and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

    and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Notice the Psalmist says not to forget all God’s benefits. Those of us who have grown up in the church are often comfortable with some of God’s benefits, but not all. For instance, some Christians profess absolute certainty that God forgives their sins, but wonder if He is able to heal all their diseases.        

Others make the claim that God has the ability to heal physical diseases, but quietly struggle with the scars, demons, and addictions of their past. Some may dress up nice for church and sing all the songs, yet when calamity strikes, they don’t go to God to redeem their life and crown them with love and compassion. Generally speaking, I believe that Psalm 103 is applicable for all God’s people. How about you? As for me, I want to embrace every single one of God’s benefits.

Thank you for your prayers.

I just wanted to say a very special thank you to our friends and family who have been praying for us. Please keep up the prayers. God is answering them! Thank you so much.

Also, a special thanks for those of you, who out of your kindness, generosity, and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, continue to give to us in our time of need. God has graciously provided for us through you. Thank you so much. God bless you all.

Like King David wrote so long ago, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.” We have all our needs taken care of because of you. Thank you!

That’s what people tell me, people with brain injuries that is. You know, people with strokes or those who have had really serious concussions. In the long recovery process, there are days where you feel wonderful, energetic, full of life, and then there are days that you feel like !@#$!. Good days and bad days. Yesterday was a good day. I went to a young friend’s wedding. It was in a picturesque, enchanting spot surrounded by family and friends and warm wishes. I felt good. I had energy. I could walk and talk. Yesterday was a good day. 

They say, after a good day, you will often have a bad day. Today is one of those. I didn’t have enough rest last night. I had to wake up early and the kids were crazy. I felt tired, a little nauseous, weak, I even feared, “Oh, what if I’m having another stroke?” Today, not so good.

You know, a mature relationship with God is something like that. At first, you go through a wonderful honeymoon. Usually, you’re young and idealistic, God is everywhere and in everything, and Life is sunshine and lollipops. You feel you can take on the world. Other times, it seems like God plays hide and seek. The sky turns gray as we go through challenges and trials that we don’t understand. We don’t have the warm fuzzies that we did before, and we ask ourselves, sometimes even out loud, “Where are you, God? Have you forgotten me? Where are You when I need you the most?” The ugly monster of self-pity raises its head and bares its fangs and we wonder if we have the wherewithal to keep going when the wall hits us in the face. 

But it is in those most despairing moments that real character and maturity is forged in the Crucible of Trial. “Where are you, God?” The answer is, “I am here.” There was an account in the Bible where Moses asks God, “But whom shall I say sent me?” And God replies, “I Am has sent you.”

“I Am.” Not, “I Was.” Not even, “I Will Be,” but, “I Am.” For this moment in time, in spite of the sickness, in spite of the recession, in spite of the loss of your job, in spite of the offensive jerk getting the promotion before you, in spite of your pain or disappointment or heartbreak, I Am, and I am enough for you, for now.

That is the big test of faith isn’t it? Am I willing enough, humble enough, bold enough, heroic enough to trust that in spite of the circumstances that I see with my physical eyes, that somewhere above the dark ominous clouds that surround me, there is a God who loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life? The Bible says, “we walk by faith, and not by sight,” (2 Cor 5:7) and it is only during these times of seeming darkness when the winds and waves rage (Matt 14:30), that our character and our faith are purified and proven (James 1:2-4). I have to make an intentional choice: Do I believe what my limited vision allows me to see, or do I believe what I know to be true?

Can I (right now) take this next step in obedience and faith? James tells us that faith without works, belief without action, is dead. How many of us find ourselves at such a fork in the road where we have to choose between the easy route or the one that will prove what we say we believe? Will I walk by faith and not by sight?

“Let us put every thing out of our lives that keeps us from doing what we should. Let us keep running in the race that God has planned for us.” – Hebrews 12:1 (NLV) See also Hebrews 11.

According to conventional wisdom, diabetes is an irreversible condition that can only be managed, never cured. Praise God! My numbers are coming down! Back in December, even after losing 35 pounds, my A1C was a frightening 12.5. In May, after the stroke, I was 10.3 (this was with insulin). Recently, I have been titrating down the amount of insulin and introducing intermittent fasting. So far, the fasts have only been 18-24 hours, but I just finished one that lasted over 48 hours. My last A1C blood test has me at 9! My target is of course, below 6. Still more work to go! 
Thank you so much for your prayers. Please keep them up! We need them.

Tim’s A1C
Dec 2018	12.5
May 2019 (after stroke)	10.3
As of Yesterday	9.0

 P.S., Please continue praying for the pain in my shoulders. It is disturbing my sleep.

As you may know, I have been struggling with my blood sugar. This is in spite of the fact that I have cut out almost all carbs from drinks, noodles, rice, etc. I eat about the equivalent of half a bowl of carbs a week.  I have been intermittently fasting for between 18 and 24 hours.

This week, I plan to step it up and extend a fast up to 48 hours without any food. This is in order  to empty my liver of its sugar stores (as instructed in the Diabetes Code by Dr. Fung). Please pray that I can maintain my resolve and not get “hangry!” Thank you so much for reading and praying. We are in your debt.

You know you’re getting old when the music you remember from your youth winds up as background music in the supermarket. There’s a song that’s been haunting me. If you’re mature enough, you may remember it as a Bonnie Tyler song. If you’re a little younger, you remember it from the animated movie, Shrek 2. If you’re younger still, you don’t remember it at all. The song, “I need a Hero,” starts with a question, “Where have all the good men gone? The Hercules to fight the rising odds? The White Knight upon a fiery steed? I need a hero. He’s got to be strong and he’s got to be fast and he’s got to be fresh from the fight.”

Even though you may think this is cheesy stuff by today’s standards, ever since the stroke, I’ve been hyper emotional. When I hear the song, I choke back the tears knowing that I am going through the biggest battle of my life and I have no choice but to rise up and be the hero my wife and my kids need me to be. In spite of the physical pain and psychological humiliation, God has allowed this stroke to happen, and I must not give into self-pity or fatigue. This stroke has now become God’s calling upon my life. I beg God for the strength to press on (Philippians 3:14).

Heroes. We fantasize about them, we fantasize about being them. We love stories where there is some hero who rises to an impossible challenge and through grit and grime, skill and savvy, overcomes against all odds. [Sigh] It seems that heroes are few and far between nowadays. Perhaps the problem is that we’re all waiting for someone else to go first. Perhaps the problem is our expectations are too high. I must admit that I am guilty of that last one.

For the last four months, my wife has been trying to do the work of 10. She is overworked and frazzled, achy, and in need of a few days off and a good three or four nights of sleep. And it is a shameful truth that I sometimes get frustrated with her. I get frustrated because I expect her to be an idealized movie version of the “Hero’s girlfriend.” You know, the action flick where in the midst of the exploding volcano/tornado/shark attack, the hero’s girlfriend stands up, perhaps slightly muddy from wading in a piranha-filled swamp, gives an inspirational, Oscar-winning soliloquy about how much she believes in him and how he needs to rise up to be the man she knows he is, and overcome the impossible! In other words, I expect her to be my perfect heroine, my rescuer, my Savior, which of course she simply cannot be. She’s many wonderful things, but she’s not Jesus. Only Jesus can be my true hero. It is He, and He alone, who never fails. I will always be disappointed when I expect another human being to be Jesus in my life.

And yet, when we have more realistic expectations, heroes do arise from the most unlikely of places. Last night, my son became my hero. No, he didn’t pull me out of a burning car, but he did inspire me more than any Oscar-winning movie. We were having an unexpected, yet precious family moment, sitting in a supermarket’s coffee area, eating pistachios (one of my son’s favorites activities.) At first, I was apprehensive, since in days long gone, I used to open the pistachios and feed the tasty nuts to my baby boy, something that I was pretty sure my left hand couldn’t handle. But since my wife assured me that he was old enough to enjoy opening the pistachios himself, I agreed, and we sat down to enjoy. As I was watching, Micah startled  me by looking up and asking, “Daddy, do you want me to open one for you?”*

I was taken aback, my four-year-old was offering to remove the shell of a pistachio for his crippled old man. Not knowing quite how to respond, I took the precious little green morsel and mumbled something about how lucky I was to be his Daddy. In response, Micah chirped, “You are lucky, Daddy. You’re lucky God saved you! God saved you and is making you stronger everyday!” I began to lose it. My voice started to crack. Yes, I must be the luckiest (most blessed) daddy in the world.

God provides heroes in the most unlikely of places.

Every once in a while, God calls someone to be a hero. He has a habit of choosing from the most unlikely sources. Moses was a murderer and a fugitive. Rahab was a prostitute. Jesus, Himself, was from a very humble background. David was the youngest of his siblings and least respected in his family. Yet, when there was a giant to be slain, God chose His unlikely hero.

Is God calling you to be someone’s hero, His champion? The Bible calls Christians, overcomers (1 John 5:4-5). Paul, in his letter to the Romans, calls us super-conquerors (Romans 8:37). In today’s language, God is calling us to be superheroes. What giant is God calling us to overcome today? Maybe it’s the giant of jealousy or envy. Maybe pride. Maybe bitterness or resentment. Maybe God is calling you to give sacrificially to a cause or ministry. Maybe God is calling you to be a better husband, father, or wife. Whatever your background may be, or where you come from, is no excuse. God is looking for a hero. Is He looking at you?

If the above-mentioned songs don’t ring a bell, maybe you remember Mariah Carey’s, “Hero.”

“There’s a hero, if you look inside your heart, …

There’s an answer, if you reach into your soul …

So when you feel that hope is gone, look inside you and be strong

And you’ll finally see the truth,

That a hero lies in you.**”

Don’t look for a hero. Be a hero.

“I can do all things (that God calls me to do) through Christ who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13  (Parenthesis mine)

* Right after Micah’s altruistic statement, Jojo pipes up, “Daddy, do you want me to show you how to eat them?”… true story.

** 1 Corinthians 6:19